guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
