tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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