You're my little dorito
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
