Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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