I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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