Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
