sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
