Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
