Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
