It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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