some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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