Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
