I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
