Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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