Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
