Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
