I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
false alarm, still single
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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