I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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