Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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