Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
