There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
