So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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