I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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