Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
