i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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