I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
