your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
