Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
