when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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