We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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