HIV tests are more positive than that guy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
