Fuck appropriateness.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
