He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
