Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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