I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Floor bacon is actually really good
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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