Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
