The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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