Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
