we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Congratulations! We have a period
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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