I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
