so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
