Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
