3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
