There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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