I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
