I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
