If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
