Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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