u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
