I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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