A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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