I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
