I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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