My nipple is on Facebook.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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