Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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