Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
