Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
