I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
